Conflict at home 2021

Conflict at home during the holidays

 Common causes of family conflict

It is well recognised that some of the stages a family goes through can cause conflict. These may include:

  • Learning to live as a new couple

  • Birth of a baby

  • Birth of other children

  • A child going to school

  • A child becoming a young person

  • A young person becoming an adult

Each of these stages can create new and different stresses and potential conflict

Changes in the family situation can also take a toll on the family and contribute to conflict. This may include events such as:

  • Separation or divorce

  • Moving to a new house or country

  • Travelling long distances to work

  • Change in financial circumstances

The opinions, values and needs of each parent can also change and they may find they are no longer compatible.

Agreeing to negotiate

When we experience family conflict during the holidays, when we are supposed to relax, our first angry impulse might be to push the point that we are right and win the argument at any cost. Finding a peaceful resolution can be difficult, if not impossible, when both parties stubbornly stick to their guns. It helps if everyone decides as a family to try listening to each other and negotiating instead.

Suggestions include:

  • Work out if the issue is worth fighting over

  • Try to separate the problem from the person

  • Try to cool off first if you feel too angry to talk calmly

  • Keep in mind that the idea is to resolve the conflict, not win the argument

  • Remember that the other party isn’t obliged to always agree with you on everything

  • Define the problem and stick to the topic

  • Respect the other person’s point of view by paying attention and listening

  • Talk clearly and reasonably

  • Try to find points of common ground

  • Agree to disagree

Work as a team

Once both parties understand the views and feelings of the other, you can work out a solution together.

Suggestions include:

  • Come up with as many possible solutions as you can

  • Be willing to compromise

  • Make sure everyone clearly understands the chosen solution

  • Once the solution is decided on, stick to it

  • Write it down as a ‘contract’, if necessary

Tips for handling family conflict and stress during the holidays

Here are some ways to manage conflicts and holiday stress that may arise:

Take turns with relatives

If you and your spouse both want to celebrate with your families of origin, if you're dealing with a divorce situation where not everybody wants to celebrate together or if you just have a lot of family, it can be stressful deciding who to see, and when. Taking turns is an easy solution. If you see one group in November, see the other in December, or alternate years. Then you can eventually see everybody.

Host celebrations at your house

If the stress of traveling each year is more than you'd like to handle, you may want to have family over to your home for the holidays. This is also a good solution when you have too many groups or relatives to take turns seeing: invite everyone to celebrate together, and you will get to see everyone more often.

Be prepared for some conflict

If you usually have conflict when you get together with your family, it's a good idea to be prepared for it.

Just say no to it all

If seeing family causes you great amounts of stress, it's okay to say no sometimes. Celebrating with just your partner or kids can be a wonderful alternative to seeing people who make you feel consistently stressed.

 

Things to remember

  • Conflict can happen when family members have different views or beliefs that clash

  • Peaceful resolution depends on negotiation and respect for the other person’s point of view

  • Seek professional advice if you think you need help

 

Professional counselling

There are services available to help family members work through difficult issues of conflict. Seek professional counselling if you think you need some assistance.

 

We can help

Contact us for professional confidential conflict counselling and support

Gauteng & Other regions:      0861 776 227                       admin@procare.co.za

Western Cape:                         021- 8 730 532                     procwc@procare.co.za

Read more

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/family-conflict

https://www.verywellmind.com/handle-family-conflict-and-holiday-stress-3144651

https://aamft.org/Consumer_Updates/Managing_Conflict_During_Divorce.aspx

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