Dealing with Anger and Frustration during lockdown

We are currently experiencing unprecedented times on a personal, national, and global scale. We understand that this brings new challenges, including testing our anger responses and frustration levels in ways they have never been tested before. We hope these tips will be a source of support in these difficult times.

Anger

Understand your Personal Anger Triggers

You may have found new anger triggers during this uncertain time. Perhaps close proximity with others has made you aware of their habits, or specific news stories are anger cues for you. Notice your bodily responses and be aware of your anger triggers.

Relaxation

You might find relaxation in confined spaces difficult. Think about what you can do to make a space calmer; is it through music, lighting, or temperature? Look for simple breathing exercises and try to practice in a peaceful place.

External Triggers

Remember there are things you cannot control, including other people’s behaviour during this time. They may not follow social distancing guidelines or behave selfishly in supermarkets. Angry responses will only hurt yourself and your loved ones, not others.

You can learn to control your anger

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, and can be an adaptive response to threats in our environment. But, when chronic, explosive anger spirals out of control, it can have serious consequences for your relationships, your health, and your state of mind.

You have more control over your anger than you think. You cannot always control the situation you are in, but you can control how you express yourself and you can learn to express your emotions without hurting others. When you do, you will not only feel better, you will also be more likely to get your needs met. Even if someone is pushing your buttons, you always have a choice how to respond.

Anger management is important to:

Improve your physical health
Better your mood
Further your career
Improve relationships with others

Change your thinking

You may think that external things – the insensitive actions of other people, for example, or frustrating situations are what cause your anger. But anger problems have less to do with what happens to you than how you interpret and think about what happened.

Common negative thinking patterns that trigger and fuel anger include:

Overgeneralizing
Obsessing on “should” or “musts”
Mind reading and jumping to conclusions
Focusing on the negative
Blaming

Remind yourself that getting angry is not likely to solve the problem at hand, and probably will not make you feel better. In fact, it may make you feel worse!

Express yourself

Anger often stems from an emotion that is lying underneath the surface – usually sadness, fear, hurt, or loneliness.

Follow these guidelines to express yourself fairly:

Focus on the present
Choose your battles
Be willing to forgive
Know when to let something go

Consider Professional Help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. If you have been unsuccessful in managing anger on your own, or if you are getting feedback from loved ones that your anger is impacting your relationships, consider seeking professional support. Therapy can be a great way to explore the reasons behind your anger. If you do not know why you are getting angry, it is very hard to control. Therapy provides a safe environment to learn more about your reasons and identify triggers for your anger. It is also a safe place to practice new skills in expressing yourself.

Frustration

If you are feeling Frustrated, you can sometimes also add in some anger, because you have been working hard towards a goal and it just is not working for you. All you know is that you seem to be stuck and no matter how hard you try; you do not seem to get anywhere. You are just spinning your wheels in the mud and all you feel is pure frustration.

This is the point where a lot of people will just say, “I Quit” and give up. Before you do though, here are tips you can use to blast through that frustration:

Ask Yourself, “What Is Working in This Situation?”

Even if it feels like nothing is working for you, look closely and you will probably find at least one thing that is not so bad. Now, focus on that, how can you improve it? By asking this question, you take yourself out of a negative mindset and back to focusing on something positive.

Keep an Accomplishments Log

Write down everything you accomplish in a log. If you do it in a monthly format you will be able to see all that you have accomplished in just one month. You may be surprised by how much you have done. If you realize there’s not much on the list, it may open your eyes to the fact that you may be procrastinating or that you are using too much of your energy going in too many directions and that you need to focus more. The log will also help to highlight where you were the most effective and where you need to work harder.

Focus on What You Want to Happen

Go back to the big picture. What is the desired outcome? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in one problem and trying to solve it that we forget what we were originally trying to accomplish. Try not to ask yourself, “Why did this happen?” Asking questions like that will keep you rooted in the past. It does not offer a solution to anything. Rather ask yourself the following two questions:
- What do you want to happen?”

- What do you need to do in order to get there?

Remove the “Noise” and Simplify

When you are trying to solve a problem, you can get so wrapped up in trying to find a solution that you add unnecessary clutter, noise, and tasks to a project because you thought they “might” be a solution.

Believe in yourself. Simplify and go back to the basics. Determine what is really necessary and remove everything else. Anything that takes your time and effort that is not adding value, should be eliminated.

Multiple Solutions

You always have options. You just need to brainstorm and figure them out. Tell yourself you need to come up with 8 possible options to what you are dealing with. Just knowing that you have lots of options will help make you feel better. You will no longer trapped in a negative situation. From your list, figure out the best direction and go for it!

Take Action

When you are feeling seriously frustrated with a problem, you tend not to want to work on it anymore. It’s hard, it’s frustrating, and you are not getting anywhere. So, anything to avoid having to be in that situation may be far more attractive. Procrastination may set in. If you can keep moving forward, you will probably make it past this temporary hump.

Visualize a Positive Outcome to the Situation

Sometimes we get stuck on what we do not want to happen, or we fear the absolute worst thing that could happen. See yourself achieving your desired outcome. What will it look like? What will it feel like? What will you say? How will you feel? Take the time to visualize it and really feel it. It will inspire you to keep going.

Stay Positive

Things are usually not as bad as they first appear. Sometimes things seem much worse simply because we are tired or mentally drained. Taking a break and remembering to keep your sense of humour can also help. This time of frustration will pass. A positive mind is far more open to solutions and answers than a negative one. A closed mind will not be able to see the possible solutions when they do come along. Stay positive.

As with any problem, the solution is to figure out what your options are, decide on a plan, focus, and then act.

Seek help and support when you need it

Remember, it is okay to ask for professional help. If you feel that you are struggling to manage on your own, then you can reach out. It is important to know that you can get help, and that you deserve to get better.