Helping Kids Deal with Bullies

What is Bullying?

Bullying is a behaviour in which one person intentionally and repeatedly causes another harm or pain (including emotional pain). The intimidating or cruel person can be anyone, not just a stereotype of a tough playground bully hurting a small, weak child, for example. Typically, the target of bullying behaviour has not done anything to “cause” the attacks. They may have difficulty knowing how to defend themselves.

Bullying can take many forms, from verbal and physical to subtle but persistent hostile behaviours, sometimes called microaggressions. Bullying can take place in person or over digital devices, which is called cyberbullying. Any bullying can have lasting, negative effects on the person who is bullied.

What is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is the use of digital media (such as websites, apps and text messages) to intimidate, upset, or harm someone. It includes repeatedly sending, posting, or sharing negative, harmful, or mean content about someone else on purpose.

Usually, with cyberbullying, there are other people who see cyberbullying happen. In these situations people can be bystanders, allies, or upstanders. A bystander observes the conflict or unacceptable behaviour but does not take part in it. An ally is someone who responds to the bullying situation by supporting the person being bullied (e.g., checking in with them, being a friend to them, etc.). An upstander tries to stop the bullying by confronting the person who is bullying directly or by telling a trusted adult.

Cyberbullying differs from face-to-face bullying in several key ways. For one, it can feel harder to escape, because it can happen anywhere anytime. It’s also harder to detect, because so much of kids’ digital media use is unmonitored by adults. At the same time, cyberbullying can also be very public: large numbers of people online can see what’s happening and even gang up on the target. Though the target is usually exposed publicly, cyberbullies can hide who they are because they can post anonymously or use pseudonyms. And since cyberbullying isn’t face-to-face, the one doing the bullying may not see or even understand the implications of their actions.

Why they don’t tell you

As a parent, what do you do about this?

Do you teach your child to fight so they can defend themselves? Doesn’t that make it worse or more dangerous? Do you meet with the other child’s parents? And, what happens when you aren’t around and it’s just your child and the bully, and they get even angrier, because they got into trouble? Kids often don’t tell their parents when they are targeted by bullies, which is why it is important to look out for the warning signs.

The signs to look out for

· Sudden changes in behaviour, such as withdrawal from friendships or a reluctance to speak about school or friends.

· Resisting going to school.

· Sleep difficulties.

· Missing or broken items, torn clothing and unexplained injuries or bruises.

· Lowered self-esteem; seems withdrawn.

· Mood changes and aggressive behaviour towards siblings.

· Sudden drop in performance.

The Role of Educators with regards to Bullying

Educators must help eliminate bullying. Following are some ideas:

· Set an example by treating all children with respect. Never pick on a physical characteristic or a difference when discipling a child. Teaching children to be assertive and boosting every child’s self-confidence will help them deal with bullies.

· All schools should have an anti-bullying policy that seeks to protect all children. It is very important that learners know that all forms of bullying are totally unacceptable within the school.

· It is also important to be aware of the needs of a child who is a bully. Bullying behaviour is sometimes a sign that the bully is experiencing problems at home.

· Indicate to a bully, that their behaviour is unacceptable. In addition, be prepared to work with the bully to help them find alternative ways of behaving.

How can educators work with families to identify and prevent cyberbullying?

The first step is to communicate with your learners’ families about your expectations in the classroom and explain the skills you’re helping students learn related to positive, responsible media use. When parents are informed and on board, they’re more likely to reinforce the message at home.

Building Confidence

Dealing with bullying can hurt a child’s confidence. To help rebuild it, encourage your kids to spend time with friends who have positive influence. Participation in clubs, sports, or other enjoyable activities builds strength and friendships.

Provide a listening ear about tough situations but encourage your kids to also tell you about the good parts of their day and listen attentively. Make sure they know you believe in them and that you’ll do what you can to address any bullying.

Treatment and Recovery

If you or your child is the target of bullying, it’s important to give them support and help as soon as possible. Bullying can affect how people think about themselves and how they interact with the world around them. It can impact their future and cause symptoms that can take time to reverse. Support at home and professional help are good steps on the path to healing. If your child engages in bullying behaviour towards others, taking steps to stop the negative actions and addressing its causes can be critical for your child and those they’re bullying.

At PROCARE, teens, adults and families can connect with licensed mental health professionals. Counselling can be a good resource for recovering from bullying, building self-esteem and learning ways to engage in positive, helpful thought patterns and behaviours. We provide accessible and effective treatment to help you and your loved ones lead more positive lives.