Age-appropriate sexual behaviours 2022

Age-appropriate sexual behaviours

It’s normal for young children to explore their own bodies and the bodies of others by looking or touching. It’s also normal for children aged over 10 years to start having romantic or sexual feelings towards others and to act on these feelings.

But some sexual behaviour is harmful. This kind of behaviour could be sexual obsession, exploration or experimentation that has gone too far. It could also be serious assault.

It’s essential to get professional support for children to address harmful sexual behaviour. If children get professional support, they’re unlikely to continue this behaviour when they’re adults.

Problem sexual behaviour

Inappropriate sexual behaviour (ISB) is defined as “sexual behaviour(s) expressed by children and young people under the age of 18 years old that are developmentally inappropriate, may be harmful towards self or others, or be abusive towards another child, young person or adult” (Hackett, 2016:12). ISB in children is an ever-growing issue in South Africa and is deeply rooted in various levels of society. One of these levels that could be seen as a contributory factor is the lack of policy and legislation to address the issue of ISB of children.

Recognising and responding to problem sexual behaviour assumes an understanding of age-appropriate sexual activity and what is outside age appropriate behaviour in terms of its nature, frequency and persistence. Such behaviour can include differences in age and developmental abilities and may involve coercion, aggression, bribery and violence

Other important aspects of problem sexual behaviour may include patterns of behaviour that do not respond to intervention by adults; behaviour that is disturbing to other children and behaviour that interferes with the child’s social and educational development.

Is the behaviour…Green, orange or red?

red

sexual behaviours that are problematic or harmful, forceful, secretive, compulsive, coercive or degrading signal the need to provide immediate protection and follow up support

green

sexual behaviours that are normal, age appropriate, spontaneous, curious, mutual, light-hearted and easily diverted experimentation provide opportunities to talk, explain and support

 

orange

sexual behaviours that are outside normal behaviour in terms of persistence, frequency or inequality in age, power or ability signal the need to monitor and provide extra support


Influences on children and young people’s sexual behaviours

These include but are not limited to:

·         Accidental/non-accidental exposure to sexually explicit material such as internet pornography, or other forms of pornography

·         Exposure to adult sexual activity

·         Physical abuse and emotional neglect (cumulative harm)

·         Being exposed to family violence

·         Re-enacting one’s own childhood abuse

·         Loss of significant others

Pornography: talking about it with children

·         Pornography might harm children’s ability to form healthy relationships.

·         Talking is one of the best ways to protect children from the effects of pornography.

·         Pre-teens are most likely to come across pornography online. Internet safety guidelines help to prevent this.

When children or young people do not have the language, experience or ability to seek help, adults must look carefully at the behaviour to interpret it.

·         Compulsive masturbation e.g. self-injuring, self-harming, seeking an audience

·         Disclosure of sexual abuse

·         Persistent bullying involving sexual aggression e.g. pulling/lifting/removing other children’s clothing, sexually threatening notes, drawing, text messages

·         Sexual behaviour with significantly younger or less able children

·         Accessing the rooms of sleeping children to touch or engage in sexual activity

·         Simulation of, or participation in, sexual activities

·         Presence of a sexually transmitted infection

·         Using mobile phones and internet which includes giving out identifying details or sexual images

·         Masturbation in preference to other activities, in public, with others and/or causing self-injury

·         Explicit talk, art or play of sexual nature

·         Persistent questions about sexuality despite being answered

·         Persistent nudity and/or exposing private parts in public places

·         Persistently watching or following others to look at or touch them

·         Pulling other children’s pants down or skirts up against their will

·         Persistently mimicking sexual flirting behaviour too advanced for age, with other children or adults

·         Touching genitals/private parts of animals after redirection

·         Use of mobile phone and internet with known and unknown people which may include giving out identifying details

·         Increased sense of privacy about bodies

·         Body touching

·         Curiosity about other children’s genitals involving looking at and/or touching the bodies of familiar children e.g. “show me yours and I’ll show you mine”. Playing ‘family’

·         Curiosity about sexuality e.g. asking questions about babies, gender, relationships,

sexual activity

·         Telling stories or asking questions, using swear words, ‘toilet’ words or names for private parts

·         Use of mobile phones and internet in relationships with known peers

It is often helpful to continue discussions with your child about age-appropriate sexual behaviours at home. If you feel that you or your child need help in this regard, talk to us, we can help.

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