Helping Children Deal with Loss and Anxiety during Lockdown 2021
Just like adults, children and teenagers are also experiencing anxiety during these unusual times.
What is causing anxiety in children?
Not being able to go to School
Going back to school after a prolonged absence
Social isolation (not seeing or being allowed to be with friends)
Missing grandparents, cousins, and extended family
Limited play/opportunities to go out
Uncertainty
Worry about getting sick
Worry about parents or grandparents getting sick
Worry about completing the academic year
Anger and frustration about missing out on parties, dances, sporting and cultural events
Academic pressure (from parents and from school)
Online schooling
Large amounts of schoolwork
Looming exams and deadlines
Picking up on parental anxiety
Some level of anxiety and sadness in children at this time is completely normal. Children’s response to anxiety will depend on their developmental stage, their previous level of functioning and how the adults around them respond.
Very young kids
Very young children tend to feel overwhelmed by sensing their parents’ anxiety. This may present with regressed infant-like behaviours e.g. being more clingy, not wanting to sleep alone, toilet training regression. Often anxious children in this age group experience a change in eating or sleeping habits. These behaviours indicate their need to be protected.
Primary school children
Primary school children may also display regressive behaviour. They can also show somatic symptoms (sore tummies, headaches, vague aches and pains). They may be more irritable or emotional with excessive crying.
Adolescents (and preteens)
Adolescents can also show behavioural disturbances. This may manifest as acting out and irritable behaviours, as they attempt to express their frustration and they may become oppositional and defiant. Look out for difficulties in concentration and attention, excessive sadness or worry and avoidance of activities they used to enjoy. There is a risk that the teen will turn to alcohol, tobacco or drugs to self-medicate.
How to deal with this
Parents are often tempted to keep life as normal as possible for their children and to keep going as though nothing has changed. Even young children are very aware of COVID or at least that life has changed drastically. Be open and provide age-appropriate information about the virus. Listen to what they are feeling. Let them know it’s ok if they feel upset. Validate their feelings with clear simple messages. Be empathetic rather than punitive. Respond directly about how you can work together to make the situation more bearable.
Reassure your child that they are safe. Remember that they will absorb and mimic your behaviour. Share with them how you deal with your own stress so that they can learn from you how to cope. If you feel you need some extra help, consider professional counselling or play therapy.
Suggested healthy habits to protect children’s mental well-being:
Get enough sleep
Eat healthy meals
Exercise regularly
Keep a consistent schedule with predictable wake up times and bedtimes
Make realistic schedules for completing work with enough time for breaks and relaxation
Limit your family’s exposure to news coverage of the pandemic, including social media. Children may misinterpret what they hear and be frightened about things they don’t fully understand
Be a role model for your child – take breaks, get plenty of sleep, exercise, eat well and connect with friends and family
Spend time with your child engaging in meaningful activities- reading together, exercising, playing board games
Loosen restrictions on social media within reason; it is important for them to be able to connect with their peers. Be flexible with schedules and change them if they are creating anxiety.
Red flags to watch out for in kids and teens:
Suicidal ideation (talking about suicide / death)
Self-harm
Violent acting out
Delusions (firmly held false beliefs)
Altered functioning (not managing school or activities of daily living)
Dealing with Grief and Loss
In this difficult time some of us also had to deal with the loss of a loved one or with the grief of family members and friends who experienced loss. Time is a good healer, but it can help to acknowledge grief and take appropriate steps to heal.
Here are some ways to deal with loss and grief that might help you and your children :
Join in rituals. Memorial services, funerals, and other traditions help people get through the first few days and honour the person who died. Just being in the presence of other people who knew your loved one can be comforting.
Let your emotions be expressed and released. Don't stop yourself or your children from having a good cry. Don't worry if listening to particular songs or doing certain things is painful because it brings back memories of the person that you lost. It's natural to feel this way. After a while, it becomes less painful. Know that you can (and will) feel better over time.
Talk about it when you can and encourage your kids to do the same. Some people find it helpful to tell the story of their loss or talk about their feelings. But sometimes people (and especially children) don’t feel like talking about a loss, and that's OK, too. No one should feel pressured to talk. Even if you don't feel like talking, find ways to express your emotions and thoughts. Start writing in a journal about the memories you have of the person you lost and how you're feeling since the loss. Or write a song, poem, or tribute about your loved one and encourage your children to do the same. You can do this privately or share it with others.
Preserve memories. Create a memorial or tribute to the person who died by planting a tree or garden, or honour the person in a fitting way, like taking part in a charity run or walk.
Make a memory box or folder that has reminders of the person who has died. Include mementos, photos, quotes, or whatever you choose. If you want, write a letter to the person. In it, you might want to include your feelings, things you want to say, or perhaps thank your loved one for being a part of your life.
Seek counselling and support. Professional counselling can help you deal with loss and grief more effectively. If you think you may benefit from going to a grief support group, find one close to where you live or work. You don't have to be alone with your feelings or your pain.
Why you should consider counselling
Counselling provides you with the opportunity to express and process difficult feelings (vs acting them out). It promotes healing and recovering and provides containment and emotional support. It reduces risk of mental illness, addictive behaviour, social isolation, violence, and suicide. Counselling provides a safe space to explore and manage your emotions and to change self-defeating behaviours/habits.
