Men and Depression: What you should know

EWP Men and Depression Scan me Option 2020.jpg

Men and Depression: What you should know

Masculine qualities, like feminine qualities, are neither positive nor negative in and of themselves, but the expectations they attract and the way they shape a person’s behaviour can affect the person’s wellbeing.

From an early age, for example, boys are often told to hold back their tears and men are told to “suck it up” when dealing with life’s pressures: “take it like a man.” Toughness are expected; emotional vulnerability is seen as a blemish on their manhood.

These societal expectations may discourage men from seeking help when they encounter mental health adversities and instead can drive them to destructive coping strategies. This can put men at greater risk for increased substance use, risk-taking behaviours, anger, frustration, and, too often, suicide.

Who is at risk?

There is never a single cause that leads to depression and suicide. Expectations of 'manly' men, which include denying emotions, not reaching out for help, and aggressiveness, could contribute to a higher suicide risk. Multiple risk factors, including health, environmental and historical factors come together when someone takes their own life. But the single greatest risk factor for dying by suicide is family history.

How to recognize the signs

The best thing you can do for anyone who is suffering is create opportunities for them to talk about what they are experiencing. Of course, that requires noticing that they are suffering.

Being aware of their emotional well-being should be a top priority. Break the ice by saying something like, "Anyone in your position would be struggling." Then ask probing questions: "Do you have a plan?" and "Can I make an appointment with a professional for you?"

Risk factors include:

Any significant change in behaviour may be a warning sign. Warning signs in men and boys can be:

Losing interest in hobbies or activities they normally enjoy
Not showing up to events they used to enjoy
Giving away items they value
Disconnecting from family and friends
Texting, calling, visiting less often
Being less present and engaged in conversation
Change in sleeping or eating patterns
Sleeping more, even during the daytime, or being restless and having trouble sleeping
Eating less and losing weight, or eating excessively and putting on weight
Drinking alcohol or taking drugs more than is normal for them
Irritability and anger
Risk-taking and ambivalence for the consequences
Emotion suppression – denying or not experiencing feelings and emotions
Offhand or uncharacteristic comments of hopelessness or expressing feelings of being a burden to others
Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself
Looking for a way to kill oneself or already having a plan
History of trauma

This may help:

If you think that someone may be feeling depressed or suicidal, encourage them to talk about how they are feeling.

You may feel uncomfortable talking about their feelings. You may not know what to say. This is entirely normal and understandable.

It might help to:

let them know that you care about them and that they are not alone
empathise with them. You could say something like, ‘I can’t imagine how painful this is for you, but I would like to try to understand,’
be non-judgemental. Don’t criticise or blame them
repeat their words back to them in your own words. This shows that you are listening. Repeating information can also ensure that you have understood them properly
ask about their reasons for living and dying and listen to their answers. Try to explore their reasons for living in more detail
ask if they have felt like this before. If so, ask how their feelings changed last time
reassure them that they will not feel this way forever
encourage them to focus on getting through the day rather than focusing on the future
ask them if they have a plan for ending their life. Ask what the plan is
encourage them to seek the kind of help they are comfortable with. Such as help from a doctor or professional counsellor, or support through a charity organisation
follow up any commitments that you agree to
make sure someone is with them if they are in immediate danger
try to get professional help for the person feeling suicidal, and
get support for yourself

Remember that you don’t need to find an answer, or even to completely understand why they feel the way they do. Listening to what they have to say will at least let them know you care.

If you are not sure if someone is feeling suicidal, ask:

“Are you thinking about suicide?” or
“Are you having thoughts of ending your life?”

These questions are direct. It is better to address the person’s feelings directly rather than avoiding the issue. Asking about suicide will not make it more likely to happen.

This won’t help:

When someone tells you that they are feeling depressed or suicidal your response may be to:

try and find an easy solution
tell them to ‘cheer up’, ‘pull themselves together’, ‘man up’ or ‘snap out of it,’
change the subject
tell them that they have no reason to feel like that
tell them that they shouldn’t feel like that
tell them that they should be grateful for having a good life, or
tell them that they are being silly

These responses are unlikely to be helpful. They may make someone feel:

rejected
unheard
alone
like ‘no one understands,’
guilty
patronised
criticised, or
analysed

Reassurance, respect and support can help someone to recover from a difficult time.

If the person isn’t in immediate danger, try to empathize with them. Say things like, “I can see that you’re hurting,” and “I care about you and want to help you.” Then follow through and help him make a plan. Schedule an appointment with a professional counsellor or therapist.